Keep left unless overtaking

Yesterday was Maesie's fifth birthday. As I walked to catch the train home I realised that she's been with us for five years and that means it's been five years since we irreversibly traversed the line into parenthood. That our lives have changed forever since the arrival of that first small offspring. I recalled that she was born at about 10 past 1 in the morning and found it an interesting coincidence that she called out and I got up to her around that same time yesterday. Both girls woke us a number of times that night actually, so we got about as much rest as we had five years ago.

Other than pondering the birthday, I also popped into Target on my way to the train to get a present for Maesie. It wasn't her only present, I'm not that slack, but it was a little additional gift in the light of what had been received from others on Sunday. I made my choice quickly and stood in line for a checkout. When it was my turn I was met by someone who a) had tolerated a difficult day, b) had not done the recommended customer service training, c) didn't want to be there, d) hated her life or e) all of the above. She didn't look at me, didn't utter a word. Scanned my item, scanned my FlyBuys and gave me my receipt at the end. The only word was a brief thanks from me when I left. She wasn't young either - she was old enough to know that you should at least say hello to someone you meet, even if they are on the other side of your checkout. I'm not particularly sure why I share that story. I think she showed me what I want to avoid. I don't want to drag myself through my days, being surly, not enjoying things and not interacting with people. I have been a bit this way lately and the Target lady reflects to me where I could end up if I don't sort things out and make some changes.

I continued my walk through the mall to the station and I decided that I think it would be good to have a 'keep left unless overtaking' rule in the mall, as it is on Main North Road. So many people dawdle along, trundle along, wander along. I'm all for that, just so long as they aren't in front of me. I need to get to the station and stride purposefully to that end so I think an overtaking lane would be very helpful.

I am still struggling on and off with 'mental instability' as I have decided to call it. I'm pretty much all over the shop, is all. My moods aren't very consistent and I spend a bit too much time depressed and angry than I would like. I think there are many things that contribute to this current state, but I think that much of it stems from continued unresolved bits and pieces from lymphoma and chemo. I don't want to just peg everything on that forever and I don't play the lymphoma card lightly but I've thought about it quite a lot and I do believe that the psychological/emotional side-effects are real, valid, complex and difficult. A friend told me today that her husband took about two years to recover from his cancer treatment. In May I'll be one year down, hopefully things get better in the second.