Typing a blog: two units

My maternal grandmother died a couple of weeks ago. The news was a little upsetting but not entirely unexpected. She had been in a nursing home for the last couple of years struggling with health issues, including dementia. She was a Christian and is now with her Lord and with grandpa too so it's really for the best. The funeral was good, as far as funerals go, and the time with family afterwards was pleasant.

Since then, I have been thinking more about my own funeral. Not in a morbid 'I'd better organise it all now in case it's soon' type way but more in a '7 Habits of Highly Effective People' type way where it is suggested as a way to help work out how to live your life. If you think about what you want people to remember you for then that information can help shape current choices so that you head that way. It has been a bit helpful, but not really conclusive. The only thing I'm sure of is that I would like to be remembered as a faithful follower of Jesus. Everything else is undecided. It's not important to me that I be remembered for having an impecable home, that much is clear from the current state of our abode. If it was, I'd have a hell of a task ahead of me. I wouldn't mind being remembered for baking abilities but that's a fairly minor issue. It has been making me ponder though, how am I going to spend my days?

I've also been reading a time management book and I find myself in a quandry. I want to make the best of my time. I want to be organised. I want to get everything sorted so that in the end I save time on things and I think it would be helpful in spending my days well and productively BUT... then I wonder if that's all so necessary and I think that if everything is so structured then there's no room for spontaneity. Can movies only be watched when they are timetabled in? Games and times with friends and family only embarked upon at the designated time? There are two extremes and I don't like either end, but this drifting along and getting through by the skin of my teeth that I feel is my current method isn't really working either.

Added to this is my generally low energy level and a high 'I just can't be bothered' level. I'm not sure how much of this is due to small children , how much to lack of good sleep, how much to continued chemo effects or indeed whether its a nasty combo of all of them or something entirely different. At the moment it doesn't matter how much I intend to do or whether I timetable every unit of the day, when it comes down to it half the time I just can't be arsed.

So how about this rain?

Now I've started this new blog, I'm feeling a little sheepish for not having posted anything for over a week. I have a list of jotted down notes and thoughts, scribbled down in pencil on a scrap of paper but I haven't really had time to convert them to typed words suitable for appearance here.

It's been quite a busy time. I've had things on at night, unexpected things to fit in some days and I haven't quite had the space to have enough clear thoughts to string together anything of interest.

It's also difficult to be blogging again because it feels to me a bit like having a conversation with someone you once knew well but haven't seen for some time. There's so much to tell, but where to start? It's awkward and in the end one just discusses the weather for a while....

I mentioned that my lymphoma story has not finished. I am in remission, but that doesn't mean that my life is not impacted by lymphoma anymore. It still is in many ways. I still have to go and see Dr Giri and that is adjacent to the day centre where all my treatment occurred, so there is a reminder there. I was aware of the 30th November as the first anniversary of my first treatment. When it was Maesie's preschool breakup at the end of last year I was reminded of that crazy time the previous year when Elsie ended up in hospital, Maesie spewed during the night and I had my first neutropenic episode which put me in hospital too. I've been remembering good times with Dave as we spent a few times near the city for treatments. About this time last year I was approaching Round 5 out of 8.

I am looking into printing the other blog so that I have a hard copy record of that time, so I have been re-reading it all from the start and through that I have been reminded of times that have already been forgotten, both good and bad. I have also been asked to prepare a talk for nurses doing their masters - giving a bit of a patient's perspective on chemo, treatment and other aspects of the process - so I have been thinking through it all, trying to work out what is important and what I want to say. I haven't decided yet and I am running out of time.

And so it goes

After a time away from blogging I have decided to recommence. These are my reasons:

• There is more to the lymphoma story that I feel should be recorded for the possible benefit of other lymphoma/cancer patients.
• Members of my family may be moving overseas so they'll be able to keep track of things a bit this way.
• I feel I may occasionally have things to say that may get readers thinking, give them a chuckle or be of some comfort/encouragement. I understand that just because the current technology is such that people have a forum to write whatever they like and think that it is of value to the world at large, that does not automatically mean what they write is necessarily of any value. It is here I tread with trepidation because there's a whole lot of 'inter-web' junk and I am hoping this doesn't fall into that category.

So there you go.

I don't anticipate posting very often. Probably once a week at most. But I will maintain honesty and humour throughout.

It's nice to be back.