I had a CT scan on Sunday and is commonly the case, I have been in two minds about the whole thing.
On the one hand, I am fine about having a scan. I don't mind drinking the barium solution anymore, I know what's going to happen in the test and it doesn't worry me. Half the time I am also not too worried about the outcome of the scan. Whatever is going on in there, I can't do anything to change it, so I'm not stressing about it.
But.....I am very aware of every little niggle and twinge I feel inside, wondering if it's something normal or something sinister. These thoughts serve a purpose because if Dr Giri gives me some less than favourable news, I will be partly prepared. Even with these occasional thoughts, I am not freaking out. I am not letting myself get carried away by the worry.
As my psychologist once asked me about worries - "What's the worst that could happen?"
Ummm, I could die a long and painful death. The long and painful part would be crap, but is not insurmountable and the death would be sad but heaven would make it all okay. I'm not keen for things to go this way, but I'm preparing myself just in case.
The rest of the exercise is "What's the best that could happen?" followed by "What's most likely?"
The best would be that Dr Giri says with 100% certainty that I'll never get anything related to lymphoma for the rest of my life and that I never have to have another scan or visit him. Not that I don't like Dr Giri, but if I never had to have another appointment again, I wouldn't miss him.
Most likely - there's no change and everything is okay and I'll just have to revisit it all again in another three months.
And with that, the worry is supposed to be dealt with and not cause any further distress......
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Happy anniversary!
I have been struggling to get to post a blog, but also struggling to think of things that are worth putting in. A friend of mine summed it up well by telling me it's not as interesting as the other blog because I'm not dying anymore. There is definitely an element of that. I also don't have as much to record for myself so it just doesn't get done. Another significant factor is that I spend much less time zonked on the couch these days, which is good news.
There have been a couple of milestones lately though which are worth recording. On May 4th I celebrated the one year anniversary of my last IV treatment. To mark the occasion Dave and I had Lemon Delicious for dessert, something we had a bit too much of during treatment days. It was extra special because it was made with the first lemon from our tree. Still as tasty as ever. On May 10th it was the one year anniversary of my last pills. So it's been a full year since I finished treatment. I am feeling pretty good. I rarely have days where I struggle with fatigue now and when I do it is a bit easier to push through and keep up with normal activities.
I am scheduled to have a CT scan on 22nd May and then see Dr Giri in early June. I'm not nervous about it. I can't change whatever the result is so I'll just wait and see. I do hope that they find nothing untoward but if there is something I'll just take it as it comes.
I've been spending time at OzWater conference this week. It's an annual conference organised by the Australian Water Association. I learnt quite a bit, ate some good food, caught up with a few people, got a couple of free pens. It's all a bit crazy though and I'm not entirely sure where I fit in this industry/profession of mine. There were people in suits everywhere and people talking on mobile phones everywhere. I'm fairly sure I don't care enough to dress-up everyday and spend ages on my mobile as if things will fall apart without me. I enjoyed the conference and I always enjoy learning things and listening to presentations but I don't think the high-flying corporate world is for me.
Tomorrow I will be remembering and farewelling a man who taught me a great deal. It's my Grandad's funeral in the afternoon - he died on Saturday after struggling with his failing health for quite a while. It's extra sad for me because he was my last grandparent. There was a time when one of my greatest fears was for one of them to die and now all four are no longer with us.
I looked up the notice about Grandad in the paper and near it there was almost a whole column taken up for a girl who had died and she was 19. I'm fairly sure it said she had lymphoma. I didn't dwell on it for long but I did have the thought that I was glad my name was not in there yet. But I was sad for her family because it's really crap when someone dies.
There have been a couple of milestones lately though which are worth recording. On May 4th I celebrated the one year anniversary of my last IV treatment. To mark the occasion Dave and I had Lemon Delicious for dessert, something we had a bit too much of during treatment days. It was extra special because it was made with the first lemon from our tree. Still as tasty as ever. On May 10th it was the one year anniversary of my last pills. So it's been a full year since I finished treatment. I am feeling pretty good. I rarely have days where I struggle with fatigue now and when I do it is a bit easier to push through and keep up with normal activities.
I am scheduled to have a CT scan on 22nd May and then see Dr Giri in early June. I'm not nervous about it. I can't change whatever the result is so I'll just wait and see. I do hope that they find nothing untoward but if there is something I'll just take it as it comes.
I've been spending time at OzWater conference this week. It's an annual conference organised by the Australian Water Association. I learnt quite a bit, ate some good food, caught up with a few people, got a couple of free pens. It's all a bit crazy though and I'm not entirely sure where I fit in this industry/profession of mine. There were people in suits everywhere and people talking on mobile phones everywhere. I'm fairly sure I don't care enough to dress-up everyday and spend ages on my mobile as if things will fall apart without me. I enjoyed the conference and I always enjoy learning things and listening to presentations but I don't think the high-flying corporate world is for me.
Tomorrow I will be remembering and farewelling a man who taught me a great deal. It's my Grandad's funeral in the afternoon - he died on Saturday after struggling with his failing health for quite a while. It's extra sad for me because he was my last grandparent. There was a time when one of my greatest fears was for one of them to die and now all four are no longer with us.
I looked up the notice about Grandad in the paper and near it there was almost a whole column taken up for a girl who had died and she was 19. I'm fairly sure it said she had lymphoma. I didn't dwell on it for long but I did have the thought that I was glad my name was not in there yet. But I was sad for her family because it's really crap when someone dies.
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