What's the worst that could happen?

I had a CT scan on Sunday and is commonly the case, I have been in two minds about the whole thing.

On the one hand, I am fine about having a scan. I don't mind drinking the barium solution anymore, I know what's going to happen in the test and it doesn't worry me. Half the time I am also not too worried about the outcome of the scan. Whatever is going on in there, I can't do anything to change it, so I'm not stressing about it.

But.....I am very aware of every little niggle and twinge I feel inside, wondering if it's something normal or something sinister. These thoughts serve a purpose because if Dr Giri gives me some less than favourable news, I will be partly prepared. Even with these occasional thoughts, I am not freaking out. I am not letting myself get carried away by the worry.

As my psychologist once asked me about worries - "What's the worst that could happen?"

Ummm, I could die a long and painful death. The long and painful part would be crap, but is not insurmountable and the death would be sad but heaven would make it all okay. I'm not keen for things to go this way, but I'm preparing myself just in case.

The rest of the exercise is "What's the best that could happen?" followed by "What's most likely?"

The best would be that Dr Giri says with 100% certainty that I'll never get anything related to lymphoma for the rest of my life and that I never have to have another scan or visit him. Not that I don't like Dr Giri, but if I never had to have another appointment again, I wouldn't miss him.

Most likely - there's no change and everything is okay and I'll just have to revisit it all again in another three months.

And with that, the worry is supposed to be dealt with and not cause any further distress......